The obituary notice of Patricia (Pat) MCALISTER (MCWILLIAMS)

Missed

I thought we had more time for love.
More time for living, for togetherness, for happy times.

So I write new words down – for you - about you. For me.
Words are just words, but
They bond you to me,
And me to you.

And now I’m drinking tea.
No second cup for sharing the teabag, though.
‘Raindrops are falling on my head’ is playing.
A scene is remembered. A moment, rock-solid.
The sun is shining through the kitchen, bright,
Through glass sliding doors.
The child lying underneath the table is warmed
As you tidy about me.
Polish, dust, clean - then you start the family dinner.
A happiness untarnished.
Simple. Loved. Priceless.

You didn’t like to think of me always thinking of you but
It was a hopeless cause; the person you were, the
Mother you wanted to be, the mum you became –
You made that impossible.

I miss you, miss you, miss you.
So I play your and Dad’s songs.
I watch the movies we shared.
And for a second – for a precious while – you are with me.
And all those terrible tears are worthwhile.

Today you have been lighting up lives for 80 years…
Joyous.

Happy 80th Birthday, my most beloved Mum.

Mum. For today, I have written you a poem...
Not a day to remember, but a day I will never forget.
I love you - I miss you so so much.
Take care of Dad and Math... XXX


Telling You


Mum, I hope you know,
Hope you knew.

From my very first moment - babe in your arms,
As my eyes gazed up anew and affixed on yours, devoted,
My tiny heartbeat forever echoed in time with yours,
A life of drums resounding.

Always, I would tell you how much I loved you.

Tell you how much you were thought of, cherished,
Adored by family, by friends, those lucky to share your day,
Even bus stop strangers missing their ride to share precious time with you,
But you always shook your head a little.

I would tell you that your gentle mighty love was like nothing else in the world,
Indeed, tell you that eternity won’t see such light again,
But you would just smile to appease my lore.

I would plea to stay longer, see you
Again as soon as the following day –
But always you would point me outwards, to be doing, enjoying, to be living life.

I see now how those years of steering me,
Was simply meant for today.
For a day without you is now an age.

Maybe, you knew all along…
Not letting me sit and sit at your little feet, no.
‘Away and play’ became ‘go out and live’…
And now, I have no choice.
You are gone, and I tread the route you had me follow,
The one I know will forever shape my sorrow.

Always, I would tell you how much I loved you,
'Til the very last few seconds…

Mum, tell me that it’s true...
That how much I loved you was knew.

xxx

Mum. You have left a hole in my life, a bigger hole in my heart, but I fill it with thoughts of you, precious memories of being unconditionally loved by you, family moments that will last 'til the end of time... and beyond. Love is all I can send you now, and that will never stop...